Three Secrets To Success: Trust, Personal Contact And Relationships⁠

Originally published May. 9, 2014 on Forbes.

Pundits love to talk about how fast technology is changing, how volatile our economy has become, and how disruptive forces are reinventing every industry. But their proposed solutions are often too convoluted or dubious to be viable as a means of protecting your career or growing your business.

Instead, I'd like to offer three time-tested strategies that, if anything, will become even more effective in the years ahead.

1. Build trust with others

Trust is everything. Being trusted - and knowing whom to trust - are the killer apps of life. No other metric so clearly delineates the difference between success and failure.

But this is not just an old-fashioned tip. In the coming years, trust will play an increasingly pivotal role in the business world. This is because it will be increasingly obvious - how shall I say this politely - who has been lying all along.

Every interaction through a digital device has the potential to end up as a memory in a database. By interaction, I mean everything from a purchase to a walk down the street or through the doors of your office.

Don't fudge the truth; you'll get caught. Don't do the right thing only when someone is watching.

As my friends Don Peppers and Martha Rogers say in their superb book, Extreme Trust: Honesty as a Competitive Advantage, "Do things right. Do the right things. Proactively."

2. Be present with people

It's ironic, but the more digitized our world becomes, the more people crave meaningful personal interactions.

My pet peeve is when people try to talk with me while they are simultaneously pecking away on a digital device. Fair warning: if you do this, I will stop talking to you. I will also perceive that you are too distracted to know you are hopelessly distracted.

On the other hand, it now seems like an almost magical event when another person focuses 100% of their attention on you.

Try this... when you sit down with someone, turn off your phone and tell them, "I don't want to be interrupted while we are talking."

Being present with another person is the greatest compliment you can give them, and nearly everyone understands this. Doing so separates you from the 90% of people in their lives who listen with one ear and talk when they should be listening.

3. Value relationships above all

Over a ten-year period during my early career, both of my parents battled cancer and lost. I will always remember sitting with my Mom on her couch, when she had lost her husband and knew she had little time left. She was stunned that some of her "best" friends had abandoned her, early in her struggle.

On the other hand, she was surprised that people she considered casual acquaintances had stepped up and offered help and friendship when she needed it most.

True relationships, she offered, were everything. She advised me to learn the difference between people you can count on and people who only pretend to be your friends.

Decide who you are willing to help, without any expectation of getting something in return. Those are the relationships that matter to you, and treasure them.

If you have no such relationships, re-evaluate your life. I can think of no greater warning sign of danger ahead than to be utterly self-sufficient and self-absorbed.

I am Bruce Kasanoff, an executive coach who can help you get what you want. Book a one-hour call with me and I’ll prove it.