My First Four Viral Articles, Plus My Biggest Ever

In 2012, I became a LinkedIn Influencer, one of about 125 people who could publish on that platform. Of this number, about 120 were famous; I was not. Most had been hand-selected; I pitched my way into the program.

It was slow going at first. Initially, I was writing about customer experience, but my articles on the subject barely made a ripple. I quickly realized that for the first time in my life, I could write about what matters most to me… and that my words would find an audience.

Here are five of my articles that had the biggest impact on others…

Three Words That Will Transform Your Career

May 30, 2013

Every time you encounter another person, think: help this person. It's not altruistic. Nothing else can so quickly supercharge your career and improve the quality of your life.

When you walk into Starbucks for a coffee, think help this person about the barista who serves you. Instead of being frustrated that he isn't moving fast enough, see if you can make him smile. Better yet, tell him to keep the change.

When the phone rings on a busy day, don't get frustrated by the interruption. Think help this person while you answer the phone. Doing so will change your demeanor, your thought process, and the entire interaction.

If you have a subordinate who isn't pulling her weight, instead of criticizing her, every time you see her think help this person. This doesn't mean let her slide, or ignore her shortcomings. It means help her either improve her skills or find a position better suited to her strengths. But don't just brush her aside; really help her.

But wait a minute – I know what some of you are thinking. What about the people who take credit for other people's work? What about the rich and powerful who have gotten that way by crushing others? Doesn't their success prove me wrong?

Not at all. Sure, there are some people who take the exact opposite strategy. But it takes real skill and focus to succeed by being evil, and most of us just don't have the fortitude to pull it off. For those of us with a soul and a heart, the only real choice is to succeed by helping others.

By first thinking help this person, you will change the ways that others perceive you. There is no faster or more effective way to change your interactions and relationships. You will be viewed as a positive, constructive, helpful and dependable person. People will think you are more perceptive, attentive and understanding.

That's why this way of thinking is not altruistic; it is selfish, in the best sense of the word. The single best way to help yourself is to always be looking for ways to help other people. Sure, you'll be making the world a better place, and in the course of your life you will help many thousands of people. But don't do it because you ought to, or because it's the "right" thing to do.

Think help this person because you're selfish, and proud of it.

The Most Powerful Habit You Can Imagine

October 22, 2013

Last year, I set out to come up with a single sentence that could guide both my career and personal decisions. It turned out to be,

Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present."

Only after months of living by these words did I realize that all these elements came down to a single powerful habit, which is to start every interaction by thinking: help this person. Let me explain...

Generous means to start every personal interaction with three words in your head: help this person. When you answer the phone, when someone knocks on your door, when you get introduced to a new colleague, your first instinct should be to help that person. Yesterday I was driving my 14-year-old son back from a school event and I made an observation about the event that wasn't entirely positive. His response was, "How is that helping this person?"

That quick exchange taught me two things. It's not enough to say you are generous, you actually have to work hard every day to live that way. I'm trying hard, but it is challenging, I admit. But more importantly, I learned that my son now has these words in the front of his mind, and that is a very good thing.

Expert means to be talented enough in certain areas that you can help others in a meaningful manner. This is where many people completely miss the mark. The main reason to become a expert is not so you can make more money; this attitude will limit your potential. The main reason is so you can help more people, more often.

Trustworthy means to be someone others turn to both in times of need and of opportunity. In such moments, other people are especially vulnerable and they need to know you will not only respect their confidentiality but also deliver on your promises.

Clear means that you fully understand your role is to be someone who helps with a purpose. You aren't just a Good Samaritan; although your first thought is to help others, you also have a set of goals to achieve for yourself, your family and your organization. You make it easy for others to understand these goals. In this way, you will have the time to help others and still be able to accomplish what you need to do.

Here's a really tough one: open-minded means that you are willing to help people you initially might find unworthy of help. Yesterday at an event, a woman pushed right past my colleague and I - who were patiently waiting to talk with the host - to capture his attention. At first, my thoughts about her weren't too kind, but as we again waited our turn, it dawned on me that her behavior was perhaps generated by anxiety or a pressing need, and that she was probably in such a state of tunnelvision that it never even dawned on her that we were waiting. People in this state are the ones who need help the most.

Adaptable means that you are not just a helpful person with a hammer, trying to pound everything into better shape. When one approach doesn't work, you are willing to try others. Don't just tell someone, "Here's what I'd do in this situation." Think hard about the best strategy for helping them, given their personality, preferences and position.

Persistent means to be serious about helping others, and not just superficial. I'm not simply suggesting you start holding the door open for more people; I'm suggesting you become a force who helps other people in a substantive way. The people who need help the most won't be helped by a ten-second gesture.

Present means to pay attention to the people around you so that you can spot those who are struggling, confused or uncertain. Most of us try to put on a good face, and you need to see past the superficial layer of daily life.

ADD ALL THIS UP, and you become the type of person others love to have around them. You become someone who listens, who is genuinely interested in others, who is capable and dependable. Who you are - and how you approach the world - will change.

And now comes the personal payoff: you will be dramatically more capable of achieving your own purpose.

If you can remember and live by this sentence, you can achieve anything you set your mind to do. Anything.

Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present."

The Incredible Power of Not Taking Credit

January 16, 2014

Nothing limits your ability to achieve great things more than your desire to take credit for what you have achieved. This paradox is at the center of most problems that companies face.

It boggles my mind, for example, when some leaders take credit for the success of their organization. I think: you are already CEO, you already make $20 million, so why can't you empower the people who work for you instead of further inflating your own ego?

At many firms, employees spend more time worrying about who-is-going-to-get-the-credit than they do about the actual results. This is because compensation and promotion revolves around getting the credit, and also because if you don't get enough credit, then you might actually get fired.

But the fact is that you can accomplish much more, if you don't worry about taking the credit.

Skilled consultants know this; they gently nudge clients in one direction or another, making dozens - if not hundreds - of course corrections. When a job is well managed, clients think all the best ideas were theirs.

A few years back, I engaged in an extended experiment on this front. I have to keep the details fuzzy - because the participants were not aware of my strategy - but over the course of six months my goal was to maximize the impact of my actions while minimizing the perception of my role. In other words, I got a lot of stuff done without anyone realizing my orchestrations.

What amazed me was how easy it was to effect change once my goal was to NOT get credit for the resulting changes. Nudging someone in a certain direction is easy if your only objective is to nudge them slightly. You can share facts, ask innocent questions, and simply react most enthusiastically to the statements they make that support the change you favor.

Here's the cold, hard reality: the tough part about changing the world is getting credit. Just bringing about change is not that hard.

Here are a few places to start:

Set fires under people. Get them excited about their job, a new project, or simply a plan for the future. Again, bear in mind that you are not promoting your plan, but rather an idea that seems disconnected from you. There will be no obvious upside for you, and because of this your credibility will be greater.

Demonstrate by doing. Don't be a do-nothing leader; be a colleague who acts instead of just talks. Through your actions, allow others to see what success looks like.

Take joy in the success of others. Redefine success so that it does not entail a slap on the back for yourself, but rather the satisfaction of knowing deep inside that you accomplished an important goal by empowering others to do their best. This is not entirely altruistic behavior; you will be creating the type of world in which you wish to live, and people will eventually form a subconscious sense that everything works better when you are around.

Allow things time to happen. Change takes time. Just because an idea enters your head does not mean that others will react immediately, especially if you are trying to effect change without taking credit. Be persistent but patient.

Remember this: the higher you are in the chain of command, the greater the impact you can have by sharing credit, or giving it away entirely.

Your Kindness Will Lead You to Success

July 13, 2014

I am not impressed by someone's ability to intimidate, cajole, persuade, manipulate, overpower or overwhelm others. No, what impresses me most are the people who have the ability to do these things, but who choose instead to let kindness lead them to success.

Once upon a time, a colleague of mine - frustrated by an assistant who couldn't move as fast as he wanted - pulled her into his office and unleashed five minutes of verbal abuse before he fired her. She ran out in tears, and he came out with a big smile. "That felt SO good," he said.

He viewed this incident as a success. I saw this as evidence that he was kind to people only as long as they did exactly what he asked. Otherwise, he cared not one whit about them.

It's easy to yell and threaten, but these behaviors are signs of weakness, not strength. Strong people don't lose control of their emotions. Skilled fighters say that once you lose your temper, you have lost the fight. Your vision narrows and you become dangerously impulsive. If losing your temper is a weakness for fighters, it is a deadly flaw for professionals.

Kindness fosters more kindness. It opens eyes instead of closing them. It is contagious, and it feels wonderful.

Kindness does NOT equal weakness. Quite the contrary. It takes tremendous strength to be kind to someone who is slowing you down or who thinks differently than you do. But kindness bridges such gaps, and brings out the talent hidden in so many people.

Luis Benitez, who has 32 times summited the Seven Summits - the tallest mountains on each continent - told me that kindness and compassion are essential elements to overcome the horrible physical and mental challenges he encounters while climbing.

For example, if you see someone limping on a day when you have to reach the next camp, you can curse their weakness, or you can stop for 20 minutes and bandage their feet so they can keep up with you for the rest of the climb.

It takes discipline and foresight to break your stride to help another, but helping a person close to you will almost always be in your long-term interest.

By being kind, you can find success. In my experience, it is the wisest - and toughest - strategy of them all. I have seen your future, and it is...

From now on, your kindness will lead you to success.

Intuition Is The Highest Form Of Intelligence

NOTE: I skipped a few years, so I could include this piece, which is my most widely read article.

March 1, 2017

Intuition, argues Gerd Gigerenzer, a director at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development, is less about suddenly "knowing" the right answer and more about instinctively understanding what information is unimportant and can thus be discarded.

Gigerenzer, author of the book Gut Feelings: The Intelligence of the Unconscious, says that he is both intuitive and rational. "In my scientific work, I have hunches. I can’t explain always why I think a certain path is the right way, but I need to trust it and go ahead. I also have the ability to check these hunches and find out what they are about. That’s the science part. Now, in private life, I rely on instinct. For instance, when I first met my wife, I didn’t do computations. Nor did she."

I'm telling you this because recently one of my readers, Joy Boleda, posed a question that stopped me in my tracks:

What about intuition? It has never been titled as a form of intelligence, but would you think that someone who has great intuition in things, has more intelligence?

My "gut instinct" is to say yes, especially when we are talking about people who are already intellectually curious, rigorous in their pursuit of knowledge, and willing to challenge their own assumptions.

Let me put this a bit simpler. If all you do is sit in a chair and trust your intuition, you are not exercising much intelligence. But if you take a deep dive into a subject and study numerous possibilities, you are exercising intelligence when your gut instinct tells you what is - and isn't - important.

In some respects, intuition could be thought of as a clear understanding of collective intelligence. For example, most websites are today organized in an intuitive way, which means they are easy for most people to understand and navigate. This approach evolved after many years of chaos online, as a common wisdom emerged over what information was superfluous and what was essential (i.e. About Us = essential).

Theo Humphries argues that intuitive design can be described as "understandable without the use of instructions". This is true when an object makes sense to most people because they share a common understanding of the way things work.

You might say that I'm a believer in the power of disciplined intuition. Do your legwork, use your brain, share logical arguments, and I'll trust and respect your intuitive powers. But if you merely sit in your hammock and ask me to trust your intuition, I'll quickly be out the door without saying goodbye.

I say this from personal experience; the more research I do, the better my intuition works.

Albert Einstein said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

Sometimes, a corporate mandate or group-think or your desire to produce a certain outcome can cause your rational mind to go in the wrong direction. At times like these, it is intuition that holds the power to save you. That "bad feeling" gnawing away at you is your intuition telling you that no matter how badly you might wish to talk yourself into this direction, it is the wrong way to go.

Smart people listen to those feelings. And the smartest people among us - the ones who make great intellectual leaps forward - cannot do this without harnessing the power of intuition.