“Bruce is the master at dislodging you from your inbox and providing rocket fuel for more expansive thinking.”

—Dottie DeHart, Principal at DeHart and Company Public Relations

“Bruce asks powerful questions that sometimes stop me in my tracks, making it easier for me to recognize what matters most."

—Brandon Rodman, CEO and co-founder, Previ

“Bruce has an uncanny understanding of human nature, business success and persuasive communication—he asks insightful questions and is a brilliant interpretive listener—and he weaves together insights, almost magically, to help me become an even better (and more fulfilled) person at work, at home and in my community.”

—Dr. Paul L. Corona, Clinical Professor of Leadership, Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University

“Bruce facilitates a community of extraordinary humans who inspire my curiosity and challenge my thinking with every encounter. His Bend Reality sessions have expanded the capacity of my heart and strengthened my belief in what is possible.”

—Paula Di Rita Wishart, Executive Coach

“Bruce helps me find the perfect ways to get my messages across. With seeming ease, he consistently articulates exactly what I want to say. I'm thrilled with our partnership, which has been productive, fun and full of mutual growth. He's the best!”

—Molly Tschang, co-author of “Say It Skillfully”

“Bruce is the purest listener I have ever met. He taught me a tremendous amount and will do the same for you.”

—Mark Goulston, author of “Just Listen," the top book on listening in the world, also selected as the #2 best communication skills book of all time

Want To Be A More Successful Entrepreneur? Ask Better Questions

by Bruce Kasanoff — Originally published in Forbes 3/3/2022

After running three companies—and now leading four separate Vistage groups for a decade—Ed Burke admits it took him a while to figure out what his most powerful tool is. “My real value is asking questions.”

For those of you who do not know, Vistage is the world’s largest CEO coaching and peer advisory organization for small and midsize business leaders. Each Vistage group brings together 12-16 entrepreneurs for regular gatherings, in which they both help each other as well as learn from outside speakers. Burke leads four groups in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area; the revenues of companies in his groups range from a few million to several billion dollars.

“Back when I was leading companies and managing people,” recalls Burke, “80% of the time if I had an answer in my head, I would suggest it to my team. 80% of the time, my answer wasn’t adopted. Why was that? Maybe I didn't understand the problem well enough. Perhaps my team members didn’t get emotionally connected to my suggestion enough to actually take action.”

In other words, the smart boss comes up with a smart answer, but it doesn’t actually solve the problem because no one else buys into the answer.

But now, after working with many dozens of entrepreneurs across numerous industries, Burke realizes that it’s not the CEO’s role to solve every problem. In fact, he says, that’s a lousy way to behave.

“I found that the secret was asking questions to help others see the problem more accurately. Once this happens, you can help them find the answer to the actual problem.”

This participatory approach works not only because it gets to the core of the issue, but also because it gives everyone a vested interest in the solution they develop together.

Burke shares that he recently heard a quote that captures the essence of this approach, “The thing beneath the thing, is the thing.”

So, whether we are analyzing why Burke is skilled at helping entrepreneurs, or what it is that successful entrepreneurs do better than those who merely bark orders, it comes down to a simple tactic: ask questions that others have not yet asked themselves. Put forward a fresh perspective, but frame it as a question, rather than as an instruction.

“25 years ago,” says Burke, “I was living and dying on the answer. I was the engineer. I was the manager. I was the answer man. In retrospect, the right time to stop being the answer man was when I became a leader.”

Ed Burke’s experience is pretty common. Many of us labor under the delusion that our job is to tell other people what to do. It’s not. The wisest among us use their intellectual gifts to come up with better questions.

Are You Asking the Right Questions?

by Bruce Kasanoff—originally published on LinkedIn 7/28/15

The least appreciated and most valuable skill is asking the right questions. Without this skill, you will waste your time solving the wrong problems.

Unfortunately, Question Askers are often viewed with derision. You schedule a quick 20-minute meeting to verify the budget numbers for next quarter, and some annoying Question Asker asks, "How much longer can our business survive by shipping outdated, overpriced products?"

What an idiot, you think. Except he is asking precisely the question you should be asking. You are annoyed because you set aside twenty minutes to preserve the status quo, rather than an extended period to set your business up for ten years of profitable growth.

When we worked together, my friend Don Peppers used to sometimes say that I reminded him of George Ball, President Lyndon Baines Johnson’s under secretary of state in the 1960's. Ball was always asking questions about the policy of escalation in Vietnam. Johnson usually listened carefully to Ball, appreciated his questions, then ignored him.

I took this as a compliment, with full knowledge that it was not entirely intended that way.

Asking the right questions is never easy, because most people ask the wrong questions. This is not because they are dumb or naive. It is because the right questions often lead to more time, energy and resources than seem to be available.

For this reason, the "most logical" short-term course of action is often to stick with the wrong questions. But such easy questions - and answers - will lead you into a box. They are the reason why seemingly successful companies fade into obscurity, and why successful professionals "suddenly" find themselves out of a job.

For example, it is probably unwise to decide whether or not to take a new job on the basis of how much money you will make next year. A better question might be, "Which opportunity will most benefit me three years from now?"

Asking questions is both an art and a science, and I can't claim to be an expert at this. But I can give you a simple rule of thumb that will lead you in the right direction:

Ask why, three times in a row.

I still remember when our kids were at that amusing stage in which they asked, "Why?" incessantly. First it seemed cute, then it grew annoying.

Over the long run, I learned that asking "why?" three times in a row often led to a deeper understanding of whatever you are considering.

There is a similar 5 Whys approach that comes out of the manufacturing industry, but five times is probably too much for daily use. If you ask "why" five times in a meeting, you are likely to end up with a Coke poured over your head. Stick with three, at least for now.

Feed Your Elephant First

The best advice is useless unless you actually follow it. Most people understand precisely what they must do to improve their life and/or strengthen their career, but yet they still don’t do it.

If all you needed was wisdom, then self-improvement would work like this…

You: I’d like to lose 10 pounds.

Me: Eat less and exercise more.

(Three weeks later…)

Me: How much weight did you lose?

You: 10 pounds! Thank you!

Me: You’re welcome.

Life doesn’t work like this because — like most people — you probably have a remarkable ability to routinely forget the things that matter most to you, such as:

• Surpassing your business goals

• Being unflaggingly competent

• Demonstrating remarkable growth and grit

• Being in great shape, physically and emotionally

At this moment, you may understand my “eat less and exercise more” advice, but when you’ve had two drinks in a restaurant and are having a wonderful time with your friends, it’s nearly impossible to turn down desert. At times like this, you need something else that motivates you more — much more — than the lure of a sweet treat.

Try this: Imagine a 12-foot tall elephant that weighs over 10,000 pounds. It eats about 300 pounds of food a day, is very intelligent, and has an excellent memory.

If an elephant was following you around, you would not forget it. Why do you forget the right things to do each day?

Think of it this way: Every day you have to get up and feed an elephant… every day you have to get up and feed your dreams.

Imagine that one day you forget to feed your elephant, but you somehow still managed to survive the day. How comfortable will you be in the future, knowing that your 10,000-pound companion knows that you are not to be trusted?

Your dreams, aspirations and top goals are no less important than an elephant in your yard. If you forget to feed them, someday they will come back and exact revenge.

Here are eight ways to never, ever forget your elephant:

Make a list of what matters most to you: Put everything that matters on this list, such as being a loving spouse, raising healthy children, exploring the world, founding your own company, becoming Vice President, or retiring by the age of 52. If it’s not on your list, it simply doesn’t matter.

Organize your list: Depending on how your mind works, organize your list by one or more categories (work vs. home, or short vs long term, etc.). Don’t rush this process. The more time you spend organizing your list, the deeper each item will sink into your mind.

Make your list pretty: Add pictures or nice fonts. Space it properly. You might print it on special paper.

Keep it handy: Keep a copy at work and at home. Add one to your wallet, purse, gym locker, workout bag, journal, and/or computer screen. Make it impossible to ignore.

Invest in your list: Spend enough money on your list that it hurts a bit. Have it engraved into metal, or transformed into a painting. Hire an artist or craftsman to help. Put your priorities on a stage so special you will never forget them.

Enlist support: Match each of your top priorities with other people who either share the same priority or are willing to support yours. If you have a significant other, use the same wording to capture your shared priorities. Do the same with colleagues and vendors. Approach other community members. Find a mentor, or volunteer to be one.

Keep score: Depending on the nature of each priority, set a specific cycle to review your progress. Every week or month should work for most of them.

Be scared. Be very scared: My favorite Far Side cartoon pictures an elephant in a trench coat and fedora; he’s lurking in a dark alley as his target approaches. The elephant steps out of the shadows and says to his adversary, “Remember me, Mr. Ross? Kenya, 1948. If you’re going to shoot at an elephant, Mr. Ross, you better be prepared to finish the job.”

This is your life. You only get one shot, and it’s ridiculously easy to miss. Don’t forget that elephant, because he’s not going to forget you.

You probably know this already, but I’m Bruce Kasanoff and my mission is to help people like you never forget what matters most to you.