Your Future Ain't What It Used to Be

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The first time a dream filled your heart and imagination, you almost certainly weren't reading career advice on the Web. You might have been infatuated with your first love, or perhaps you resolved to be an astronaut.

As the years passed, I bet you went to college and dreamed what life would be like when you had a real job. Maybe you wanted to be a professional musician, or aspired to start your own company.

Did the future turn out as you expected?

Most likely, today you have "responsibilities". You might have a spouse, kids, or a mortgage... or all of the above. You've been promoted, and you've been passed up for promotions. You might fall prey to the illusion that your future is predictable, and basically unchanging.

Not true.

As long as you are willing to invest effort and imagination in your future, you retain the ability to make it brighter.

Dreaming isn't enough. Praying might help, but it's not a substitute for effort. You have to invest in your future, not just occasionally, but consistently and deliberately. You wouldn't leave your child alone in the middle of a busy street, so don't leave your future there either.

This is my hope for you:

May you move through life with full awareness that your future ain't what it used to be."

Every day, you use a piece of your future. That's one more day that moves from your "Potential" column to the "Results" column. That day is no longer a dream, but is instead an outcome.

Your future isn't many years from now. It is tomorrow, and the next day. It is so close that what you do today will change your future.

If you get too comfortable and complacent, your future dims a bit. If you take today for granted, it dims a bit more.

But if you view each day as a gift, if you aim a little higher, and if you care a bit more about the people and the world around you, then your future brightens significantly.

Every moment - and every day - is a choice. Choose brighter.

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Putting Humanity Back into Business

Last week, I gave two speeches at the Bend WebCAM conference. On Monday, my keynote was the fifth of five keynotes. On Tuesday, I gave one of three workshops in the last time slot of the day. In both cases, happy hour was next, and the folks in Bend, Oregon are VERY serious about their beer.

By the way, my keynote - The Best Talent Is Bringing Out Talent in Others - had very little to do with the web/marketing/SEO focus of the conference.

Truth be told, I spent weeks wondering, "Is this really a good idea?" It was. Going to Bend turned out to be one of my best decisions.

After years of self-imposed absence from the speaker circuit, I discovered my true purpose: helping people do good, instead of helping them sell stuff.

I used to talk about marketing and innovation, but finally got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. Too many businesses wanted a magic formula for growing revenues, but few were willing to adopt the "serve, don't sell" mindset that can make that happen.

My new presentation is straight from my heart. It's not a pitch; it's what I believe. The core of it is my personal credo:

Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present.

This message didn't bounce off the audience. Tons of people wanted to talk about it, and wanted to understand how to inject more meaning into both their work and personal lives. The conversations didn't stop when I left Bend; I'm still engaged in many a week later.

By the way, my Tuesday workshop explained how my credo can help professions who don't like to self-promote. It was called How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.

Count "Likes", Not "Views"

As a ghostwriter, I write articles for clients who then post the articles online. Then many start keeping score...

Did 100 people read the story?

Did I break 2,500 views?

Will this make my top three?

While understandable, these are the wrong questions to ask. You should be seeking engagement, not simply eyeballs. Your goal should be to connect with like-minded humans with whom you have the potential to foster an actual relationship. Seek to attract people with whom you'd like to become colleagues, customers and/or friends.

In the pieces I write under my own name, I pay special attention to Likes and Comments. Here are two examples:

Put Kindness First on Your To Do List: 11,6807 Views; 116 Likes, 132 Comments

How to Avoid Being Underpaid for Your Work: 83,816 Views; 461 Likes; 104 Comments

The second piece attracted eight times as many readers, but this could be a function of how it was promoted, and who promoted it. But even with 8X the reach, it generated fewer comments than the first piece. Also, for every person who read and liked Avoid Being Underpaid, two people read and Liked Kindness First.

I guarantee that some of the people who read Kindness First will play a significant role in my life. These are people with whom I share fundamental human values. Something in this piece struck a chord inside them.

That's what matters to me. Much as I still get pleasure out of having my words reach a large audience, everything pales versus connecting one person at a time.

A few words about connecting...

I read every comment on every article I write, but only reply to a few comments from each article. Most readers don't need or want a reply from the author; many enjoy interacting with other readers. I think of the Comments section as a showcase for everyone BUT the author, and jump in only when someone has asked for a reply, or when someone has made such a pivotal comment that it requires my response.

In many cases, I reply privately to people, and thus begin an actual relationship.

Image: id-iom/Flickr

Three Secrets To Success: Trust, Personal Contact And Relationships⁠

Originally published May. 9, 2014 on Forbes.

Pundits love to talk about how fast technology is changing, how volatile our economy has become, and how disruptive forces are reinventing every industry. But their proposed solutions are often too convoluted or dubious to be viable as a means of protecting your career or growing your business.

Instead, I'd like to offer three time-tested strategies that, if anything, will become even more effective in the years ahead.

1. Build trust with others

Trust is everything. Being trusted - and knowing whom to trust - are the killer apps of life. No other metric so clearly delineates the difference between success and failure.

But this is not just an old-fashioned tip. In the coming years, trust will play an increasingly pivotal role in the business world. This is because it will be increasingly obvious - how shall I say this politely - who has been lying all along.

Every interaction through a digital device has the potential to end up as a memory in a database. By interaction, I mean everything from a purchase to a walk down the street or through the doors of your office.

Don't fudge the truth; you'll get caught. Don't do the right thing only when someone is watching.

As my friends Don Peppers and Martha Rogers say in their superb book, Extreme Trust: Honesty as a Competitive Advantage, "Do things right. Do the right things. Proactively."

2. Be present with people

It's ironic, but the more digitized our world becomes, the more people crave meaningful personal interactions.

My pet peeve is when people try to talk with me while they are simultaneously pecking away on a digital device. Fair warning: if you do this, I will stop talking to you. I will also perceive that you are too distracted to know you are hopelessly distracted.

On the other hand, it now seems like an almost magical event when another person focuses 100% of their attention on you.

Try this... when you sit down with someone, turn off your phone and tell them, "I don't want to be interrupted while we are talking."

Being present with another person is the greatest compliment you can give them, and nearly everyone understands this. Doing so separates you from the 90% of people in their lives who listen with one ear and talk when they should be listening.

3. Value relationships above all

Over a ten-year period during my early career, both of my parents battled cancer and lost. I will always remember sitting with my Mom on her couch, when she had lost her husband and knew she had little time left. She was stunned that some of her "best" friends had abandoned her, early in her struggle.

On the other hand, she was surprised that people she considered casual acquaintances had stepped up and offered help and friendship when she needed it most.

True relationships, she offered, were everything. She advised me to learn the difference between people you can count on and people who only pretend to be your friends.

Decide who you are willing to help, without any expectation of getting something in return. Those are the relationships that matter to you, and treasure them.

If you have no such relationships, re-evaluate your life. I can think of no greater warning sign of danger ahead than to be utterly self-sufficient and self-absorbed.

Do You Take Your Parents To Work?⁠

Originally published May 6, 2014 on Forbes.

If you're in your twenties, you grew up in a different world than I did. You probably went to organized play dates, had tutors to help you improve your grade from a B+ to an A, and maybe even had a private counselor to help you write your college admissions essays.

After school, my parents told me to play in the street. If I was really in trouble, my parents bought an SAT study guide and told me to do the practice tests.

Some of my friends have written a steady stream of papers, in both high school and college, for their kids... your peers. Watching this happen solved one of the great mysteries of my career. I once hired a young manager from an Ivy League school, who turned out to be absolutely clueless. He couldn't write or think clearly. How, I wondered, did he manage to graduate from a top ten school?

One word: parents.

Not to offend you, but many of my clients and colleagues complain about your generation, suggesting you are well-spoken and groomed, but leaning towards an over-entitled state of mind. I'm not sure it's fair to blame you for this issue; let's blame your parents instead.

(As an aside, TIME reports: The National Institutes of Health found that for people in their 20s, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is three times as high than the generation that’s 65 or older.)

To be honest, as two of my "kids" have gone to college, I had to stop myself a few times from calling up the school to intervene. High school habits die hard, and when problems arose at that stage, I called or emailed the teacher. Fortunately, I never contacted any college faculty. But I know plenty of parents who have.

Now, I wonder how many parents are actively actively (that's not a typo) coaching your peers? Do you have friends who call their parents four times a day to ask for guidance? When they have to give their boss a presentation or important memo, does Mom or Dad stay up late helping?

In my day, our parents would send us into the wilderness with nothing but a loincloth and a sharpened stick, with the instructions to kill dinner or die trying.

Ok, I'm lying. But my Dad never helped me do my job. Mom never called my boss to chew him out.

Maybe my perspective is distorted. I live just outside New York City, and things happen here that certainly aren't commonplace elsewhere. But I know families in San Francisco, Houston and even London who seem to confuse wanting the best for your kids with doing the best work for your kids.

What do you think?

For some twenty-somethings, is every day Take Your Parents to Work Day? Please leave a comment.If you're in your twenties, you grew up in a different world than I did. You probably went to organized play dates, had tutors to help you improve your grade from a B+ to an A, and maybe even had a private counselor to help you write your college admissions essays.

After school, my parents told me to play in the street. If I was really in trouble, my parents bought an SAT study guide and told me to do the practice tests.

Some of my friends have written a steady stream of papers, in both high school and college, for their kids... your peers. Watching this happen solved one of the great mysteries of my career. I once hired a young manager from an Ivy League school, who turned out to be absolutely clueless. He couldn't write or think clearly. How, I wondered, did he manage to graduate from a top ten school?

One word: parents.

Not to offend you, but many of my clients and colleagues complain about your generation, suggesting you are well-spoken and groomed, but leaning towards an over-entitled state of mind. I'm not sure it's fair to blame you for this issue; let's blame your parents instead.

(As an aside, TIME reports: The National Institutes of Health found that for people in their 20s, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is three times as high than the generation that’s 65 or older.)

To be honest, as two of my "kids" have gone to college, I had to stop myself a few times from calling up the school to intervene. High school habits die hard, and when problems arose at that stage, I called or emailed the teacher. Fortunately, I never contacted any college faculty. But I know plenty of parents who have.

Now, I wonder how many parents are actively actively (that's not a typo) coaching your peers? Do you have friends who call their parents four times a day to ask for guidance? When they have to give their boss a presentation or important memo, does Mom or Dad stay up late helping?

In my day, our parents would send us into the wilderness with nothing but a loincloth and a sharpened stick, with the instructions to kill dinner or die trying.

Ok, I'm lying. But my Dad never helped me do my job. Mom never called my boss to chew him out.

Maybe my perspective is distorted. I live just outside New York City, and things happen here that certainly aren't commonplace elsewhere. But I know families in San Francisco, Houston and even London who seem to confuse wanting the best for your kids with doing the best work for your kids.

What do you think?

For some twenty-somethings, is every day Take Your Parents to Work Day?