If you want people to like you, be 100% comfortable in your own skin. Hands down, there’s no more attractive quality than a person who is utterly comfortable with who they are.
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Putting Humanity Back into Business
Last week, I gave two speeches at the Bend WebCAM conference. On Monday, my keynote was the fifth of five keynotes. On Tuesday, I gave one of three workshops in the last time slot of the day. In both cases, happy hour was next, and the folks in Bend, Oregon are VERY serious about their beer.
By the way, my keynote - The Best Talent Is Bringing Out Talent in Others - had very little to do with the web/marketing/SEO focus of the conference.
Truth be told, I spent weeks wondering, "Is this really a good idea?" It was. Going to Bend turned out to be one of my best decisions.
After years of self-imposed absence from the speaker circuit, I discovered my true purpose: helping people do good, instead of helping them sell stuff.
I used to talk about marketing and innovation, but finally got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. Too many businesses wanted a magic formula for growing revenues, but few were willing to adopt the "serve, don't sell" mindset that can make that happen.
My new presentation is straight from my heart. It's not a pitch; it's what I believe. The core of it is my personal credo:
Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present.
This message didn't bounce off the audience. Tons of people wanted to talk about it, and wanted to understand how to inject more meaning into both their work and personal lives. The conversations didn't stop when I left Bend; I'm still engaged in many a week later.
By the way, my Tuesday workshop explained how my credo can help professions who don't like to self-promote. It was called How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.
Count "Likes", Not "Views"
As a ghostwriter, I write articles for clients who then post the articles online. Then many start keeping score...
Did 100 people read the story?
Did I break 2,500 views?
Will this make my top three?
While understandable, these are the wrong questions to ask. You should be seeking engagement, not simply eyeballs. Your goal should be to connect with like-minded humans with whom you have the potential to foster an actual relationship. Seek to attract people with whom you'd like to become colleagues, customers and/or friends.
In the pieces I write under my own name, I pay special attention to Likes and Comments. Here are two examples:
Put Kindness First on Your To Do List: 11,6807 Views; 116 Likes, 132 Comments
How to Avoid Being Underpaid for Your Work: 83,816 Views; 461 Likes; 104 Comments
The second piece attracted eight times as many readers, but this could be a function of how it was promoted, and who promoted it. But even with 8X the reach, it generated fewer comments than the first piece. Also, for every person who read and liked Avoid Being Underpaid, two people read and Liked Kindness First.
I guarantee that some of the people who read Kindness First will play a significant role in my life. These are people with whom I share fundamental human values. Something in this piece struck a chord inside them.
That's what matters to me. Much as I still get pleasure out of having my words reach a large audience, everything pales versus connecting one person at a time.
A few words about connecting...
I read every comment on every article I write, but only reply to a few comments from each article. Most readers don't need or want a reply from the author; many enjoy interacting with other readers. I think of the Comments section as a showcase for everyone BUT the author, and jump in only when someone has asked for a reply, or when someone has made such a pivotal comment that it requires my response.
In many cases, I reply privately to people, and thus begin an actual relationship.
Image: id-iom/Flickr
Three Secrets To Success: Trust, Personal Contact And Relationships
Originally published May. 9, 2014 on Forbes.
Pundits love to talk about how fast technology is changing, how volatile our economy has become, and how disruptive forces are reinventing every industry. But their proposed solutions are often too convoluted or dubious to be viable as a means of protecting your career or growing your business.
Instead, I'd like to offer three time-tested strategies that, if anything, will become even more effective in the years ahead.
1. Build trust with others
Trust is everything. Being trusted - and knowing whom to trust - are the killer apps of life. No other metric so clearly delineates the difference between success and failure.
But this is not just an old-fashioned tip. In the coming years, trust will play an increasingly pivotal role in the business world. This is because it will be increasingly obvious - how shall I say this politely - who has been lying all along.
Every interaction through a digital device has the potential to end up as a memory in a database. By interaction, I mean everything from a purchase to a walk down the street or through the doors of your office.
Don't fudge the truth; you'll get caught. Don't do the right thing only when someone is watching.
As my friends Don Peppers and Martha Rogers say in their superb book, Extreme Trust: Honesty as a Competitive Advantage, "Do things right. Do the right things. Proactively."
2. Be present with people
It's ironic, but the more digitized our world becomes, the more people crave meaningful personal interactions.
My pet peeve is when people try to talk with me while they are simultaneously pecking away on a digital device. Fair warning: if you do this, I will stop talking to you. I will also perceive that you are too distracted to know you are hopelessly distracted.
On the other hand, it now seems like an almost magical event when another person focuses 100% of their attention on you.
Try this... when you sit down with someone, turn off your phone and tell them, "I don't want to be interrupted while we are talking."
Being present with another person is the greatest compliment you can give them, and nearly everyone understands this. Doing so separates you from the 90% of people in their lives who listen with one ear and talk when they should be listening.
3. Value relationships above all
Over a ten-year period during my early career, both of my parents battled cancer and lost. I will always remember sitting with my Mom on her couch, when she had lost her husband and knew she had little time left. She was stunned that some of her "best" friends had abandoned her, early in her struggle.
On the other hand, she was surprised that people she considered casual acquaintances had stepped up and offered help and friendship when she needed it most.
True relationships, she offered, were everything. She advised me to learn the difference between people you can count on and people who only pretend to be your friends.
Decide who you are willing to help, without any expectation of getting something in return. Those are the relationships that matter to you, and treasure them.
If you have no such relationships, re-evaluate your life. I can think of no greater warning sign of danger ahead than to be utterly self-sufficient and self-absorbed.
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Do You Take Your Parents To Work?
Originally published May 6, 2014 on Forbes.
If you're in your twenties, you grew up in a different world than I did. You probably went to organized play dates, had tutors to help you improve your grade from a B+ to an A, and maybe even had a private counselor to help you write your college admissions essays.
After school, my parents told me to play in the street. If I was really in trouble, my parents bought an SAT study guide and told me to do the practice tests.
Some of my friends have written a steady stream of papers, in both high school and college, for their kids... your peers. Watching this happen solved one of the great mysteries of my career. I once hired a young manager from an Ivy League school, who turned out to be absolutely clueless. He couldn't write or think clearly. How, I wondered, did he manage to graduate from a top ten school?
One word: parents.
Not to offend you, but many of my clients and colleagues complain about your generation, suggesting you are well-spoken and groomed, but leaning towards an over-entitled state of mind. I'm not sure it's fair to blame you for this issue; let's blame your parents instead.
(As an aside, TIME reports: The National Institutes of Health found that for people in their 20s, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is three times as high than the generation that’s 65 or older.)
To be honest, as two of my "kids" have gone to college, I had to stop myself a few times from calling up the school to intervene. High school habits die hard, and when problems arose at that stage, I called or emailed the teacher. Fortunately, I never contacted any college faculty. But I know plenty of parents who have.
Now, I wonder how many parents are actively actively (that's not a typo) coaching your peers? Do you have friends who call their parents four times a day to ask for guidance? When they have to give their boss a presentation or important memo, does Mom or Dad stay up late helping?
In my day, our parents would send us into the wilderness with nothing but a loincloth and a sharpened stick, with the instructions to kill dinner or die trying.
Ok, I'm lying. But my Dad never helped me do my job. Mom never called my boss to chew him out.
Maybe my perspective is distorted. I live just outside New York City, and things happen here that certainly aren't commonplace elsewhere. But I know families in San Francisco, Houston and even London who seem to confuse wanting the best for your kids with doing the best work for your kids.
What do you think?
For some twenty-somethings, is every day Take Your Parents to Work Day? Please leave a comment.If you're in your twenties, you grew up in a different world than I did. You probably went to organized play dates, had tutors to help you improve your grade from a B+ to an A, and maybe even had a private counselor to help you write your college admissions essays.
After school, my parents told me to play in the street. If I was really in trouble, my parents bought an SAT study guide and told me to do the practice tests.
Some of my friends have written a steady stream of papers, in both high school and college, for their kids... your peers. Watching this happen solved one of the great mysteries of my career. I once hired a young manager from an Ivy League school, who turned out to be absolutely clueless. He couldn't write or think clearly. How, I wondered, did he manage to graduate from a top ten school?
One word: parents.
Not to offend you, but many of my clients and colleagues complain about your generation, suggesting you are well-spoken and groomed, but leaning towards an over-entitled state of mind. I'm not sure it's fair to blame you for this issue; let's blame your parents instead.
(As an aside, TIME reports: The National Institutes of Health found that for people in their 20s, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is three times as high than the generation that’s 65 or older.)
To be honest, as two of my "kids" have gone to college, I had to stop myself a few times from calling up the school to intervene. High school habits die hard, and when problems arose at that stage, I called or emailed the teacher. Fortunately, I never contacted any college faculty. But I know plenty of parents who have.
Now, I wonder how many parents are actively actively (that's not a typo) coaching your peers? Do you have friends who call their parents four times a day to ask for guidance? When they have to give their boss a presentation or important memo, does Mom or Dad stay up late helping?
In my day, our parents would send us into the wilderness with nothing but a loincloth and a sharpened stick, with the instructions to kill dinner or die trying.
Ok, I'm lying. But my Dad never helped me do my job. Mom never called my boss to chew him out.
Maybe my perspective is distorted. I live just outside New York City, and things happen here that certainly aren't commonplace elsewhere. But I know families in San Francisco, Houston and even London who seem to confuse wanting the best for your kids with doing the best work for your kids.
What do you think?
For some twenty-somethings, is every day Take Your Parents to Work Day?
How To Attract And Hire Incredible Talent
Originally published May. 2, 2014 on Forbes.
If talent is everything, that leads to an obvious question: how do you attract the best talent?
You could offer to pay them what they are worth - or a bit more - but most companies do not have unlimited funds to pour into compensation.
A far better strategy is to allow people to actually use their talent.
Here's what happens far too often in business. A management team decides that a job candidate has "incredible talent". They need to hire him or her. But, once recruited, that person does not receive the freedom to fully use their talent. Instead, they are forced to fit into an existing system, an existing way of doing business, or an existing political situation.
Lest you think I'm talking only about recruiting a CEO for a leading public company, I'm talking about the challenge that all organizations face: small retail stores, aggressive VC-funded startups, well-established manufacturing firms, and even sports teams.
In professional sports, for example, owners often hire talented managers only to limit his powers. For ego or other reasons, the owner limits the manager's ability to pick his team or to decide who plays. This is why great managers often have mediocre results: they never get to fully use the talents that got them the job.
Money is a powerful incentive, yes, but success and meaning are even more powerful. If you give a talented person the opportunity and resources to do what they were born to do, they will do everything in their power to join your organization. The more freedom you give them, the more attractive your offer.
Here's the biggest challenge of all: you can't offer them the same job they already have.
If you want to steal a great salesperson, you won't be able to attract them by offering them a comparable sales job. The same goes for managers, programmers, designers and finance professionals.
Instead, you have to know that person well enough to understand what they really, truly want to do. Instead of knowing what they've done, you have to unearth what they aspire to do.
Like most smart moves, this one requires work and persistence. It's harder to understand a person's potential than their past, but human potential is the greatest treasure of all. Become an organization that understands and nurtures human potential.
Some years back, I was fortunate to be one of the original partners at a consulting and training firm called Peppers and Rogers Group. We grew from ten to 150 employees in three years. During this period, we hired a lot of people and gave them the opportunity to do what they were born to do. I hired a trainer and vastly expanded her role. I hired managers and gave them the opportunity to become paid speakers to leading executives. We took consultants who had been working with middle managers, and gave them access to CEOs and the founders of dynamic startups.
Not every hire worked out. But the ones that did, worked out in a spectacular fashion.
Most of us have the ability to do far more than we imagine, and certainly far more than our existing "boss" imagines. If you want to attract incredible talent, believe in people more than their current supervisor does. Have the imagination to recognize other people's potential. Bring out the very best in others.
How Conventional Wisdom Killed George Washington
Originally published Apr. 23, 2014 on Forbes.
Don’t be fooled.
Throughout history, every generation believes it understands how our world works. And yet we look back and realize that many conventional beliefs were wrong. Today I'd like to share a story that makes my skin crawl, because it illustrates just how wrong our leaders can be, even when their own personal safety is at issue.
George Washington was President of the United States from 1789 to 1797. On December 12, 1799, he was back to private life, and spent about four hours on horseback supervising farming activities. The weather went from rain to hail to snow, and Washington was wet when he returned home. By the next morning, he had a sore throat. 24 hours later, the throat infection was so severe that he was having trouble breathing.
This was when Washington asked George Rawlins, an overseer at Mount Vernon, to bleed him. Yes, bloodletting was still an accepted medical practice, and Rawlins took a half-pint of blood.
By nine in the morning, Washington's longtime physician and family friend, Dr. James Creik, arrived. He "produced a blister on Washington's throat in an attempt to balance the fluids in his body". Then he bled Washington a second time.
At noon, they gave the former President an enema and bled him again. This time, they took 32 ounces of blood. Later, they deliberately induced vomiting.
On the evening of December 14, Washington passed away.
I've been squirming in my seat telling you this story, which is based on this account from the MountVernon.org web site. In retrospect, what trained physicians did to Washington is tantamount to torture. In Washington's judgment, these men were the best qualified to help him survive.
When the Supreme Court makes a decision, it is rooted in the judgments of men like George Washington, men who thought that you could cure a throat infection by bleeding, vomiting or pooping. When the Court decides how digital technology should be managed or complex healthcare issues be resolved, they look back to the wisdom of the bloodletters.
I do not wish to imply that Washington or his colleagues were stupid. To the contrary, in every generation we do our best to understand the world in which we live. History teaches us that 20, 50 or 100 years later, much of the conventional wisdom of any age is proved wrong.
Once you understand this, you understand that it often makes sense to challenge conventional wisdom. Just because most people agree with a strategy does not mean that strategy will work. Just because a leader is willing to lay his own life on the line does not mean he is right.
The trick, of course, is to be smarter - not dumber - than the conventional wisdom you seek to replace. I can't tell you how to do this, but I suspect that listening carefully to dissenting opinions is always a wise thing to do. Martha Washington voiced her concerns about bloodletting; if doctors and her husband had listened, George Washington might have lived longer.
How To Be Your Own Boss Even When You Aren't
Originally published Apr. 21, 2014 on Forbes.
I'm going to tell you a secret that you already know, but probably forgot. This secret has the potential to transform your career from pretty good to spectacularly wonderful. This secret is powerful, foolproof, and highly versatile.
Are you ready?
The path to anything is to be what you want to become.
If you want to be entrepreneurial, be entrepreneurial.
If you want to be independent, be independent.
If you want to be happy, be happy.
The mistake that vast numbers of people make is that they think: I will be happy when ______ happens.
"I will be happy when I'm rich and powerful" is no way to be happy. It is a path to being unhappy for all or most of your life.
"I will be happy when I get a different boss" is a path to being a downtrodden subordinate for the rest of your life.
Most people have a boss - or 12 - above them. Your boss impacts your life, no doubt, but your boss cannot impact what's inside your head, unless you make the mistake of giving them access to your most personal of personal spaces.
Your boss can make you stay late, or answer 517 stupid questions, or do work for which he takes all the credit. But your boss cannot control whether you think like an entrepreneur or a divergent thinker.
You control your thoughts. The path to what you want is to think as though you already have what you want.
If this sounds like mumbo-jumbo to you, it's because you do not understand how people overcome incredible odds. This is how an unknown boxer becomes a world champion. It's how a "kid" becomes founder of a startup that goes public. It's how a 13-year-old girl ends up in a starring role on Broadway.
For every such success story, there are countless other people who never reached such outward success, but who far surpassed their previous "limitations" by thinking as though they already had what they wanted.
So if you want to be your own boss, be your own boss. For some time, you may have to deceive your current boss into believing that she is in charge of you, but deep inside you will know this is fiction. You are what you want to be, what you believe you are.
If you want to be proud, be proud.
Start by being proud of your ability to control what is inside your head. Focus on that, and build the you that you have always wanted to be.
Be Consistently Good Instead Of Occasionally Great
Originally published Apr. 14, 2014 on Forbes.
How many people do you know who consistently fail to make any progress because they are always trying to leap past all the folks who are actually working? I'm sad to say I know more than a few.
Our business world is filled with aspirational mumbo-jumbo, from the posters put up by HR to the latest pep talk given by your newest boss. Everyone aspires to be the best of the best. Besides Avis, I can't think of a business that advertised the fact it was number two.
That having been said, I'd be thrilled to: have a book that's number two on the New York Times bestseller list, help a client go from a startup to number two in their industry, or have one of my kids be number two in his or her class.
(To make sure you get the point and don't get hung up on the number two, I'd be thrilled to be number nine on the bestseller list.)
I'm not suggesting you aim low; I'm suggesting you aim for consistent excellence rather than once-every-five-years brilliance. Try setting your sights on being trustworthy, reliable, persistent and expert. Instead of trying to be the superstar, be the person on whom others can consistently depend.
Our world loves sports, and most sports are a zero-sum game; one team wins, and the other loses. But this is a horrible model for our increasingly interconnected world. We need to stop glorifying winners and teaching our young people to admire only the Olympic gold medalist or the World Champions. It is far better to encourage someone to embody the Olympic work ethic than to brainwash them that the only path to success is to beat everyone else.
99.9% of us won't beat everyone else. We won't be great in the sense that we vanquish all others. But we still can be great in the sense that we consistently do our best and help others in a meaningful way.
Give me 20 people who are consistently good and we can change the world. The same is true for you. Align yourself with people who care more about progress than pride, who have a bigger work ethic than ego. Get stuff done. Get excited by what you achieve, and share that excitement with others.
While someone else is aiming for the stars, you will actually make a meaningful difference in our world and in the lives of people with whom you interact.
The Surprising Benefits of Managing Your Career Like an Academic
Originally published Mar. 11, 2014 on Forbes.
The traditional view of careers looks something like a straight line that hopefully slopes in an upwards direction. Professionals seek to get more money and bigger jobs, year after year, until they just can't do it any more.
But this is a model for a world that changed slower than ours does today. First Blockbuster and now Radio Shack are disappearing from retail strip malls... Kodak went from everywhere to nowhere... large public companies have all but stopped growing.
To top it all off, social media has changed the balance of power. Without even knowing each other, customers of a firm band together to ridicule their service, quality and prices. News travels in seconds. Social influence is even toppling entire governments today, so how can you expect your career path to still go in a straight line?
In this environment, you have to be flexible. Leave your expectations behind, and change as the world changes. The future belongs to the most flexible, not the strongest or smartest.
The problem, of course, is that no one knows how the future will evolve. That's why I've been looking at a wide range of possible answers.
One out-of-the-box idea is that academic careers might serve as a new model for other types of careers. To illustrate, here's a thought-provoking passage from a research paper by Yehuda Baruch:
…lateral and even downwards movement are accepted (e.g. when a Dean returns to serve as a Professor, conducting research and teaching, it is not considered “demotion”). Upwards mobility is limited, even not desired (becoming a Dean might take scholars off the research route)… Sabbaticals are part of the career. Perhaps more fundamental, the academic career model builds on networking within and across organizations.
The main reason this idea caught my attention is that while professors aren’t always known for their flexibility, they are expected to both conduct research and drive learning in their chosen field. This quest for knowledge should power your career as well.
Thinking of your career through the lens of this “academic” model might lead you to a much more interesting and robust career than you would get from employing a traditional corporate mindset.
For example, your goal might morph from trying to get promoted as often as possible to becoming a leading expert in your field. You might compare yourself to all experts in your field, instead of to all the managers in your department.
You could also ask yourself a question that many, including myself, have trouble answering: who are the other people in your space? Academics can usually name their colleagues at other universities who are pursing research or interests similar to theirs. Can you do the same?
One more thing… academics frequently collaborate with other academics, and collaboration is often a very good idea.
This article was adapted from the author's book, How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.
Why It Is So Hard To Bring Out Talent In Others
Originally published Mar. 3, 2014 on Forbes.com
Great managers bring ordinary people together to accomplish extraordinary things. If your strategy for success is to build a "dream team" of all-stars, you are setting yourself - and your company - up for disappointment.
It is no easy task to bring out the best in other people. Human nature makes it extremely difficult for most of us to do this. It is tempting to hire the people you like best, to like the people who are most impressed with your ideas, and to promote the people who are easiest for you to manage.
In other words, human nature explains why so many business teams are ineffective, disorganized, and frustrated. We all have egos, and ego is like a voice whispering in your ear to reward the people who make you feel good. The problem is that the center of a great team is not your ego, but a common purpose.
To rise to the level of a great manager, you must first tackle your own limitations...
To offer a personal example, I'm an intuitive person, and sometimes unearth an answer while others are still eager to discuss numerous possibilities. The flip side of this tendency is that I can be impatient with "overly" detail-oriented people, and I abhor long meetings.
To be clear, these are biases. They are weaknesses.
Over time, I've learned that the more complex a problem, the more important it is to include detail-oriented people on a team. It also becomes important to collect a diverse group of people who look at the situation through different mental models.
Does any of this sound familiar? If you think you lack biases, you aren't being honest with yourself. Everyone has them; the trick is to not allow yourself to be handicapped by yours.
Pay attention
To bring out the best in others, you must learn to listen to the things you don't want to hear...
The people who disagree with your own opinions
The people who love the sound of their own voices, but who actually say things of value
The people who are too shy or nervous or disenchanted to participate
The people who think this whole process is a waste of time... and just might be right
A few people are innately talented at listening. Most of us are not. It is hard work to learn to pay attention, but you will never be a great manager unless you learn to pay attention.
Work behind the scenes
In our social media age, CEOs and entrepreneurs often take on the role of rock stars; they hog the press, and take too much credit.
A great leader does the opposite... she or he often works behind the scenes to empower others, to develop their talents, and to boost their careers.
Think of it this way: you are paid to produce certain results, not to deceive yourself that you walk on water. If successful, you will make things happen, and be handsomely rewarded for doing so. Do you really need applause for every smart move you make?
Be open-minded. Be present. Be humble.
Add it all up, and this simple formula is deceptively simple to execute. The truth is, it is not hard to figure out how to bring out the talent in others. It is just hard to be a big enough person to do it.
Go ahead... give it a shot.